The Fading

I am ashamed to admit it has been a very long time since I have posted here, too long in fact.

Its not because I no longer care, because I always will, nor is it that the romance of rural life, the hardships and the good times are gone, because they never will be.

There is always something to say, something to enjoy, and something to weep over in life on the land.

So why the silence you ask? well that would be because I no longer live on the land anymore. And in many ways I grieve for the loss.. But, I also find there is a fading in my mind.

You see, once a country girl, always a country girl! but the urgency fades, and the desire to share it fades. The need to tell people about how it really is fades, and so does the excitement.

I’d like to say something about adversary wearing you down, and how peoples disbelief of how it really is on the land makes you feel disillusioned, disheartened, and exhausted. But to be honest that was happening BEFORE I left the land, now as a ‘town girl’ I feel that the fire to make it right and tell people simply fades with the busyness and monotony of town living.

Yes, be offended, town life is monotonous, it is boring, and it lacks the true colour I was raised to see. And it wears you down until you can hardly see another way of living.

It all becomes about paying the rent and the car is due for another service, and Oh look! pretty shoes! our thrills are reduced to what money can buy, and for me weekend trips to the farm, where I am never there long enough to actually DO ANYTHING!!!

It has been nearly a year since I have ridden my beloved horse, nearly as long since I have helped out mustering the cattle, and even longer since my last branding.

I am reduced to occasional drives around the farm staring at everything google eyed like a city slicker. And even the cropping farm I visit nearby, where they grow grains and legumes, I am reduced to the phrase ‘oh maybe don’t come today we have work on and I don’t want you to be sitting around bored’

I don’t want to be sitting around bored either!! I want to get in, get dusty and DO SOMETHING! but such is the life of a town girl. I feel a little lost, a little bored, and not at all happy to sit at night and just watch tv, while I eat my dinner alone in my tiny house in town.

There is so much still happening on the land, so much to see and do, so much to capture the interest and imagination of anyone who wants to see it. And trust me, sharing articles on Facebook about farm life and even the hardships happening at the moment in QLD and NSW does not even come close to seeing how it really is. Trust me, I know!

And yet, it fades away. So easy to take the easy route, and only remember the romance. In ten years time I can see myself saying similar things to other ex country girls, things like ‘its not that hard’ or ‘I’m totally informed about how the aussie bush is right now’ but truth be told, if you aren’t living it, you simply.. well.. you aren’t living it!

And I feel as though I have done a disservice to the people who read what I write! Just yesterday, I was reminded to return and write some more, when I read an article, a blog post written by a girl still on the land, and she quoted one of mine, I am reminded that I created a responsibility to talk to you, because of the internet friendship we have developed. I apologise, and I promise to talk to you a little more often than I have. Perhaps my topics will be a little different, a little more varied, but I’m sure if we look, there is always something fun going on in our hearts.

I personally cannot wait until this friday, I’ve bought a new freezer, and so I’m headed back to the farm, going to spend some quality time with my daddy, and butcher a few sheep.

One for the farm, and one for me, organic, pure, stress free, and highest quality lamb to bring back to town to eat. Because even as a newly appointed ‘town girl’ I still get the perks of being a country girl at heart. mmmm chops!!!

xoxox

Jillaroo!

 

 

 

 

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